Loneliness in the conditions of modern society Rogova, Evgeniya Evgenievna. The terrible truth about loneliness We stop staying in touch

Why doesn't a person enjoy life alone? What is loneliness? What are the types of loneliness? System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan answers these and many other questions, and also helps to get rid of the oppressive feeling of loneliness forever.

Every person knows the feeling of loneliness, and it is different for everyone. This could be the loneliness of a woman or a man waiting for a relationship. Or the loneliness of a person who finds himself in an unusual place, far from his family and friends. Or there may be a constant state of loneliness, when even among people and surrounded by loved ones a person feels lonely. This is loneliness, from which neither friendship, nor marriage, nor teamwork can save you.

As a rule, the feeling of loneliness is a source of discomfort for a person. He may experience melancholy, despair from the feeling of being useless, and even depression.

Why is this so? Why doesn't a person enjoy life alone? What is loneliness? What are the types of loneliness? System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan answers these and many other questions, and also helps to get rid of the oppressive feeling of loneliness forever.

What is the feeling of loneliness?

A person feels lonely when he loses connections with other people. On the one hand, we cannot live without people, because we do not live alone, even if it seems so to us. We live in society, interact with each other and survive only together. At a deep mental level, we are all united by a single unconscious. All our troubles, but also all our joys, come from other people.

On the other hand, at a certain moment in his development, a person felt his own uniqueness, separation from other people. This feeling can be expressed by the words “there is no one but me.”

That is why it was from this moment that humanity took the path of the “curse of loneliness.” Since then, we have been unconsciously looking for lost connections and cannot find them. A person is lonely “from a stinking diaper to a stinking shroud.” And in the modern world of individualism, the suffering of loneliness is only getting worse.

However, not everyone is aware of this deep loneliness. Most often it is felt in certain life situations - for example, when loved ones pass away or in a foreign country, when familiar connections are lost. But there are people who experience the pangs of loneliness especially strongly. System-vector psychology distinguishes two main types of loneliness:

visual loneliness;
sound loneliness.

Loneliness is terrible, creepy and unbearable

This is how the owners define their internal state when they find themselves alone with themselves. Bright extroverts, they see the meaning of their lives in communication, love, and creating emotional connections with other people. That is why, when these connections are absent, they feel sadness especially strongly. They feel bad and hurt alone. The severance of an emotional connection is experienced by them as severe stress.

When the visual vector is not realized, its owner may experience numerous fears, including the fear of loneliness. He is afraid that in his old age there will be no one to give him a glass of water. Driven by this fear, a visual person can agree to any relationship so as not to be in a state of loneliness.

Loneliness as a way of life

The article was written based on training materials “ System-vector psychology»

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Loneliness of man in the modern world

“We are born alone, we live alone and we die alone” (Osho)

The problem of loneliness is one of the important problems of philosophy and cultural studies. In modern society, all people are essentially the same, since they obey the same desires. And, perhaps, every modern person has encountered, to one degree or another, a feeling of loneliness. The problem of loneliness has become acute in recent decades, and is getting worse every year. It's no secret that most residents of megacities feel lonely.

What is loneliness: trouble or happiness, normal or pathological? Various philosophical movements and psychological schools view loneliness as the only possible basis of human existence, as an unnatural state for a person, a pathology and a manifestation of poor personal adaptability, as a social problem, a consequence of the development of modern social forces.

Loneliness begins with a person being thrown into the world of things. Previously, in a small community, everyone felt comfortable, but now the individual is alone with the Universe. The “I” is in the world, subject to influence, but at the same time belongs not only to the world. But also to myself.

The problem of loneliness is most acutely expressed in its most acute form in adolescence, when there is a search for one’s own identity and connections with the outside world. The feeling of the meaninglessness of one’s existence actualizes the experiences of loneliness, helplessness, and fear. If a teenager does not find support and understanding in relationships with adults, then he turns to the same peers who are “not understood” by those around him. During adolescence, the idea of the content of such concepts as “loneliness” and “solitude” changes. Children usually interpret their physical state (“there is no one around”), while teenagers fill these words with psychological meaning, attributing to them not only negative, but also positive value. The need to communicate with peers, who cannot be replaced by parents, arises in children very early and intensifies with age. Already among preschoolers, the lack of peer society negatively affects the development of communication abilities and self-awareness. The behavior of adolescents by its very essence is collective and group. problem loneliness creativity value

The next stage of loneliness in life is the result of incorrectly built relationships with others, more deeply - the result of an incorrect worldview. Often, loneliness occurs after disappointment in some relationship (between parents and children, friends, lovers). Disappointment is followed by fear of resuming such a relationship, fear of the mental pain that it may cause again. Outwardly strong people, after such an experience, consciously withdraw into themselves. Outwardly, such people are quite active, immersing themselves in work to earn more. But only externally, internally she remained, gradually lowering the personality into depression.

Another manifestation of loneliness in human creative activity. A creative person, like most people, experiences loneliness throughout their lives. In this case, we can talk about scientific creativity, as well as religious and artistic creativity. The fact is that, on the one hand, a creative person reflects the interest in the problem posed among those around him, on the other hand, he splashes out subjective experiences that affect his personality. It cannot be said that creators are looking for solitude. On the contrary, they run away from him. But since most often these people are quite extraordinary and difficult to communicate, often unbalanced, sometimes mentally ill, loneliness, as usual, is a companion in their lives. Thus, the formation of creative teams, attempts to get as close as possible, at least at the level of professional activity, is one of the forms of escape of talented (and sometimes brilliant) people from their own loneliness. It should be noted that the loneliness of a creative person is aggravated not only by personal qualities, but also by social conditions. Many creative people prefer solitude, as they consider this state to be the most fruitful, when the best ideas and ways to implement them are born in their heads.

Well, the last stage of manifestation of loneliness in a person’s life is the loneliness of older people. In old age, the reality of aging brings with it many causes of loneliness. Old friends die, and although they can be replaced by new acquaintances, the thought that you continue to exist is not sufficient consolation. Loneliness can arise from melancholy associated with the inability to independently organize one’s time. With old age comes apprehension and loneliness caused by deteriorating health and fear of death.

Positive aspects of human loneliness in the modern world:

1.The argument “for” is freedom of action and choice.

2. there is no fear of being deceived and rejected.

3. often in solitude a person finds himself by analyzing his previous life, his views, feelings.

Negative points:

1. A person who does not play any social roles begins to consider himself worthless, useless to society.

2. Distrust of people develops. The body’s natural defense reaction is triggered and the person strives for solitude.

3. Loneliness brings with it only sadness, sadness, emptiness, despair, melancholy and disappointment.

The problem of loneliness is one of the pressing problems in the social and spiritual life of modern society, but little is known about the nature of loneliness, its essence and the causes of its occurrence in modern society. However, in reality, the problem of loneliness is real. Currently, an increasing number of people are experiencing this feeling due to the influence of the crisis of modern Russian culture. People suffering from loneliness, over time, to a certain extent lose their positive human qualities and spiritual values. Their loneliness can become a chronic condition, which leads to mental disorders, personality degradation and, consequently, the degradation of society. Loneliness is something that is often scary to admit even to yourself, something that is awkward, and sometimes even indecent, to tell someone else about.

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Loneliness Tendency

World Wide Web Internet, improvement of the international transport system and the globalization of world processes, gradually neutralized the need for close ties between people for the development of society. For example, today in many areas of activity (especially in the field of culture, high technology, scientific research - quite highly paid areas) the role of mass collective efforts to achieve success is no different from the isolated actions of individuals united by the World Wide Web, under the control of a small number of talented managers. In addition, the development of the media and the computer industry is attracting more and more attention. Significant amounts of money are invested in these projects, the goal of which is to hold the viewer’s attention for as long as possible.

And these are just a few of the main reasons stimulating the development of the trend towards a solitary lifestyle. A person has a real opportunity to be successful without close contact with society, and this is precisely the main reason for such a phenomenon as loneliness. But the need for communication and contact has not disappeared; it has simply atrophied, become distorted, and taken on false forms. Such pseudo-freedom, in fact, makes it impossible to lead a natural lifestyle. The worst scenario for the development of such a situation is attempts by those with a lonely lifestyle to impose their opinion on others, in a way to find confirmation of the correctness of their actions among other people.

This does not apply to those people who, for certain reasons, have become lonely or cannot establish communication: disabled people, elderly people or those who suffer from mental disorders. We are talking about those who voluntarily withdraw into themselves and sincerely believe that loneliness is a normal way of life, a natural reaction to the development of modern society. At the same time, many go further and reject family ties and values. The most mysterious factor in this situation is that the phenomenon of social loneliness in modern conditions affects young and middle-aged people who still have psychological and parental support from people of a more mature generation - their parents, who grew up in conditions of close social ties. It is difficult to predict what will happen in the future when a whole generation of single people grows up, raised by single people.

Hide from everyone

For many, loneliness is a kind of screen that allows them to hide their complexes or other shortcomings that will become more and more progressive over the years. Without trying to join society, opposing himself to it, a person unconsciously (in rare cases this happens in full understanding of what is happening) is afraid to be himself and withdraws to himself. Such a “protective cocoon” gives the illusion that what is happening is correct and gives strength to maintain the effect of independence and success. Separated from the whole world by such a screen, it is convenient and pleasant to nurture in your own consciousness your pricelessness and uniqueness, to form high self-esteem and faith in a higher purpose.

This is exactly what happens to many physically and socially functional people. A nurtured image of one’s own importance, a la the center of the Universe, creates an unfounded confidence in the correctness of such actions. By withdrawing and concentrating all his attention on himself, unreasonably elevating his ego, a person gradually loses the ability to love and compassion - purely, lightly and sincerely. The heart hardens, sarcasm and cynicism appear, which are a cover for the most common envy of those people who have a cozy family hearth, a loving family, and true friends. But that same illusion does not make it possible to understand the real reaction of the soul to these phenomena; it bends and distorts what is seen, giving a person the opportunity to again engage in self-deception. Those who wander alone through life are unhappy in their own way, but at the same time quite often successful people in modern life. But just - is this life, to isolate yourself from the outside world within the confines of your “I”? Yes, each person is individual and unique, but the desires at their core, for thousands of years, remain the same: the need to be loved and loved, to be proud of your children and grandchildren in old age, to be desired and to have support in this difficult life in close friends.

Let's declare a fight against loneliness

Today it is becoming increasingly difficult for a person to understand himself; more and more factors arise that interfere with and distort the perception of these basic human needs. This is why more and more single people are appearing in cities. In large populated centers it is easier to find a surrogate substitute (it is different for each person) for real feelings, the absence of which causes real withdrawal. Most often, a single person is an individual who, at a certain stage, due to circumstances, opposed himself to society. That is why such a phenomenon should be temporary, but not permanent. It could have arisen as a defense mechanism in childhood due to the ridicule of comrades or in adulthood from the bullying of a husband, and this also happens. But it is very important to fight loneliness, not to close yourself off from the outside world, to let in at least a small part of it and find the peace that a rebellious soul so needs.

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Loneliness of the soul. Alone among people.

Living in society, it is impossible to be alone in the truest sense of the word. We are always among people. We are surrounded by people who live with us at the same time, a common culture and society. The level of development, mentality and interests correspond to a certain social class and age.
The problem of loneliness is, first of all, the problem of the absence of a couple, and not just a couple, but the absence of a loved one. The very fact of having a loved one will fill your life with meaning for some time. Then everything will depend on how the relationship develops, but the problem of loneliness will be closed. A separate article will be devoted to the topic of searching and choosing a partner.

As for communication with others, here we can note two points that can hinder the formation of new relationships and which are associated with character traits, or more precisely, with the attitude towards oneself (I am bad) and towards other people (They are bad).
Position: I am bad. It often arises as a result of ignorance of the accepted rituals of behavior existing in a certain social environment and the inability to maintain a conversation. As a result, self-esteem falls and a feeling of inferiority appears.
Position: They are bad. Sometimes, finding yourself in an unfavorable or insufficiently friendly environment in comparison with what was before, a person may find himself alone against society. The instinct of self-preservation is triggered, a negative attitude towards the environment and wariness towards any active contacts with the outside world appear. The desire to do anything yourself disappears. Subsequently, the environment or situation may change, but the attitude remains.

The problem of loneliness. Alone among himself.

The way of life that is inherent in us by nature and society presupposes communication and interaction, it does not provide for solitary existence. , leading a group lifestyle, and a person includes the need for belonging. The state of loneliness can only be of an objective temporary nature or be chosen at one’s own request (solitude).
Some people attach primary importance to the feeling of confidence and security that the group provides, while others prefer a more secluded lifestyle, content with only a narrow circle of friends. With solitude, thoughts of loneliness do not bother you, but this is a completely different topic for a completely different conversation.
Friedrich Nietzsche ironically remarked on this matter: “There are two types of loneliness. For one, loneliness is an escape from the sick; for another, it is an escape from the sick.”

Only physical and spiritual activity can pull a person out of a state of loneliness. We must go into society, among people, accept the rules of the game by which they live, and participate in joint activities. Only communication in a group united by a common interest (study, work or hobby), in which a person feels his, can change position.
The problem of loneliness must be transferred from the plane of general concepts and reasoning to the plane of specific actions. Then it will become clear what is stronger: either the desire to find a way out of the current problem, or the unwillingness to make the necessary efforts to find it.

Virgo