Is it by chance that God sends children? Believe that God will give you children. How the soul is born

When marrying and getting married, young people dream and hope that the Lord will bless their family with children. But years pass, five, ten years ... and the long-awaited pregnancy does not occur. How to be in such a situation? What to do? It is clear that, first of all, to pray for children, but is it necessary to do something else, is it necessary to turn to modern medicine for help? And are all medical technologies that have recently become very popular, such as in vitro fertilization (IVF), acceptable to the Orthodox? The pastors of the Russian Church answer.

The main thing for a Christian is a righteous life

- We are not told that in the case of a childless union, it is necessary to “do something”. Being a natural consequence of the carnal intimacy of spouses, they bring cares and joys, plans and disappointments, sacrificial service and comforts of mutual love into their lives. However, the main goal of our life - the acquisition of eternal salvation - does not significantly depend on the presence or absence of children, which means that, with all human dispositions for their birth, the main feeling should remain trust in the Providence of God, in charge of all our earthly things that do not depend on us. circumstances.

– Many holy people were not born immediately and from elderly parents. In this case, they begged from God and were literally prayed-for children; at the same time, the passion of youth was not transmitted to those born from elderly parents.

Artificial insemination technologies - a gross intrusion into the sacrament of childbirth

– If God does not give a family children, one must hope, do not despair, wait patiently. Today, many people are not very healthy, and therefore it happens that even after several years of marriage there are no children. We must pray and fast. Pray to the righteous Joachim and Anna, Peter and Fevronia. Make pilgrimages to or from other places.

The long absence of children from the spouses is a test of their feelings, a test of how much they love each other

The long absence of children from the spouses is a test of their feelings, a test of how much they love each other, because when a person has everything easy, everything is given to him for free, he does not appreciate it too much. And when people are connected by some kind of joint misfortune, they become closer to each other, they begin to love each other especially sensitively, having overcome this misfortune.

As for IVF, which is marketed as a fertility treatment. Artificial insemination is a gross intrusion into the sacrament of conception, into the sacrament of procreation. And we know that the Council of Bishops of 2000 forbade Orthodox Christians to resort to this technology, although some slyly see in this prohibition an opportunity to resort to some variants of artificial conception. But the decisions of the Council clearly state that from the Orthodox point of view, all varieties of in vitro fertilization, involving the preparation, preservation and subsequent destruction of embryos, are unacceptable. With artificial insemination, the destruction of embryos always occurs - that is, they are killed.

Let me briefly remind you what the essence of this technology is. Superovulation is stimulated in a woman in order to receive a large number of eggs at once, sometimes even up to 20; the best of them are selected, fertilized with the husband's seed and placed in a special incubator for several days. Then some (always several) are transplanted into the uterus, others are frozen, they can later be used by the same married couple, and others. Such is the conveyor for the production of children. And a lot of money is spinning here: one attempt with all the accompanying procedures costs at least 150 thousand rubles in Moscow. And, for example, people came to me who made 10-15 attempts. And to no avail. Because IVF does not give a 100% result! This is a business on human grief, not infertility treatment.

With artificial insemination, the destruction of embryos always occurs - that is, they are killed

Now let's ask ourselves a question: what happens if all the embryos transplanted into the uterus began to develop? After all, several of them are introduced at once, so that there is a greater likelihood of their taking root, because not all take root ... What happens when several take root? “Superfluous” embryos are reduced, that is, they are surgically removed - abortions are performed. So, during IVF, fertilized embryos are destroyed, which are already babies with a soul. And it turns out that a person who goes for IVF goes for abortions.

There is such a crafty trick: in some medical centers they offer "IVF for believers." It is proposed not to implant a few embryos, and then remove some of them, but to do a sparing superovulation, get a small number of embryos and implant them. But this does not change the essence of the matter.

A person going for IVF is essentially going for an abortion.

IVF technology is completely godless. A person takes on the function of the Lord God, intervenes in what should mysteriously happen in the mother's body.

Another question: why should fertilized embryos develop in an incubator for several days? Here's why. To find out if there are any pathologies, mainly genetic. And there is an order signed by the Minister of Health, according to which, in case of a danger of developing pathologies, the embryo should not be transplanted. Such an embryo is killed.

I'm not talking about the fact that with IVF there are much more miscarriages, much more missed pregnancies. And many more premature babies are born.

Unfortunately, there are very few statistical studies on the health of children born through IVF. Why? Because it's a business, a corporate conspiracy. Data is available, but not disclosed. But something is becoming known. So, academician Altukhov, a famous geneticist, an Orthodox person, testifies: almost 20% of IVF children have mental pathologies.

Another problem: in nature, when an egg enters the mother’s uterus, it is met by a million spermatozoa, but only one is attached - the most “strong”, so to speak. But IVF can be done even with a very weak seed of the husband. And if the seed material is not of very good quality, what will the children be like?

So the Orthodox way is this: pray, wait. And if the Lord does not send a child, do what has been done for centuries in Russia and in other countries - to take an orphan child or from an orphanage to raise.

We must accept God's Providence

– There are secrets of Divine care for people, they are incomprehensible. When Rachel, the wife of the patriarch Jacob, who did not have offspring, reproached her husband: “Give me children, and if not, I die,” Jacob replied: “Am I the God who did not give you the fruit of the womb?” (Gen. 30:1-2).

If the Lord does not give children, then first of all we must turn to Him. Often children were served after fervent prayers, fasting and alms. The Lord is testing parents, whether they are ready to accept a child precisely as a gift from God, and not as a product of the latest medical technologies.

Among Russian women unable to conceive, 70% suffered from abortion

Of course, there are many shades in the topic raised. Sometimes - the result of the sins of the youth of the parents. One of the statistics says that among Russian women who do not have the opportunity to conceive a child, 70% suffered from an abortion. Certain types of contraception also have a detrimental effect on childbearing. In such cases, the person himself deprived himself of the opportunity to give birth to children. It turns out such an absurdity - at first a person does everything possible so that he does not have children, and then he is ready to turn to anything, for example, surrogate motherhood, just to get a child. Such people need, first of all, repentance, to remove from themselves the sinful causes of infertility, and then, as the Lord gives.

There is a different situation: the spouses tried to live according to the commandments of God, but for health reasons they cannot conceive. In such situations, one must, of course, be treated, try possible natural remedies, but entrust the final result into the hands of God.

In general, each case is individual. From a little pastoral practice, I can say that a confessor often sees that it is more useful for such a particular person to be alone than to have a child, but for another it would be better to have babies and dissolve completely in sacrificial care for them. Someone cannot take a child from an orphanage in any way, because they lack patience and elementary affection and love. And for someone, an adopted someone else's child becomes so dear that God's blessing overshadows such a family and home comfort reigns in it. I even observed situations when women who did not have a family took children from an orphanage, and not one, but two at once - a brother and a sister, and these women became wonderful mothers. Of course, the absence of a father affects, but these children have a mother, and this is already joy and happiness.

I will tell the story of one of my friends. Her name is Evgenia. She married at 25, and for five years they had no children. She went to doctors, went to a family planning center, which was literally overflowing with women suffering from infertility. Evgenia saw that often the search for a diagnosis and treatment entails a huge waste of money, and as a result, nothing happens, and then doctors offer IVF. Having got acquainted with the IVF method, she realized that she could not resort to this, a protest arose inside, although she was not yet a church person. The fact is that IVF is a gross manipulation of human life: embryos are harvested, preserved, and the excess ones are simply destroyed, that is, the same abortion occurs. Eugenia learned that there are cases when, after a long period of infertility, someone received healing in a miraculous way in the temple. So she came to the idea that only God gives children. Through her infertility, Eugenia came to faith, and her husband was also baptized. She herself confessed and took communion. I read penitential canons, prayers for children.

After the holy spring, she had a dream: she was carrying a basket in which a child was lying.

Somehow she found out about the Borovsky Monastery, which has a font, and many said that if you take a dip there, then illnesses disappear. When she and her husband made the pilgrimage and managed to take a dip, two weeks later she already had a positive pregnancy test. Before that, I could not get pregnant for five years! And after the holy spring she had a dream: she is carrying a basket in which lies a child; she asks, "What's your name?" He replied: "Daniel". And she was told during examinations and ultrasound that she would have a girl. But a boy was born, and he was named Daniel.

When Daniil was already going to kindergarten, one day she became ill, bleeding began. It turned out that she was pregnant, but there was a miscarriage. The doctors talked about the complication and the need for some kind of operation, they said that now she would definitely never give birth, except through IVF. Evgenia went to her confessor, who, having prayed, said: “I think that it is not necessary to have an operation, but I bless you for a daughter.” Exactly one month later, she became pregnant - the doctors were shocked. Indeed, a daughter was born, and they named her Anastasia. Evgenia herself firmly understood that children are from God, which means that God should be addressed first of all.

In general, any deed is truly good only when it is in harmony with the will of God. And the will of God is not determined as quickly as we would like. If the spouses diligently turn to the Lord in their prayers, coordinate their desires with the spiritual father, the will of God will nevertheless be revealed to them, and then it will be clear what is right for them: to expect miraculous grace-filled help, undergo treatment, or take a child from an orphanage into the family .

You can’t be guided by emotions alone, you need prudence and prudence

– Of course, the absence of children in the family is an occasion to start more seriously and soberly to lead your Christian life and pray purely for the gift of children. Here patience needs to be shown no small amount, and it happens that the Lord rewards for this patience and constancy in doing good, so that children will be born in the family even after three, five or more years of “barrenness”. This is a great joy and a great mercy! And parents who conceived and gave birth to a child in such difficult circumstances truly know the high price and meaning of fatherhood and motherhood. If only they would not “stop there” and turn their valuable child into some kind of idol, an idol around which the whole world revolves. This should not be, and it can even be called a crime against God, because the Lord gives a child not at all in order to be raised from him as an egoist who is used to thinking that he is the navel of the earth and something completely special compared to “everyone else.” ". That is why it would be good if there were many children in the family ...

With reasoning, you can resort to medical care: the Lord also created doctors and this profession exists for our benefit.

But if there are no children and no, even despite obvious efforts in keeping piety and prayer, there always comes a moment when the family asks the question: where is the “line of expectation”? And in what? Should I continue to live, completely and humbly relying on the Lord, or adopt children, or should I resort to medical help? It seems that, firstly, everything should be done with reasoning and spiritually, that is, with prayer and advice from the family confessor, again because people are different and circumstances are different. Someone, perhaps, needs to show extreme humility with patience (their faith allows them to do just that), for someone it will be right and good to go to doctors, undergo an examination and resort to their help with reason, because the Lord also created doctors and this profession exists for our benefit, it is not a sin to resort to the help of doctors. But this is where reasoning is needed, because we know that some modern methods of "reproducing" are contrary to God's commandments. So here you have to be careful not to cross the line of what is permitted.

And for some families, in accordance with their location and well-being, perhaps the way opens for the adoption of those unfortunate children who are deprived of paternal and maternal warmth and care. And we know families where there are not one, but several such adopted children, and they, together with their adoptive parents, make up a real big family. This, of course, is the work of God, blessed, but here, too, prudence and prudence are needed so as not to be guided by emotions alone, often transient, remembering that the decision to adopt is a great responsibility, so that “stepping back” will then be akin to the sin of betrayal. May the Lord keep it from this! Therefore, here, too, you need to consult with your confessor, pray hard and soberly assess your strengths and capabilities.

Do everything only with the help and blessing of God

“Put on the whole armor of God” (Eph. 6:11), the Apostle Paul tells us. Hope and wait patiently, pray and fast (but only with the blessing of the priest). And, of course, you can take a child from an orphanage. “And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me” (Matt. 18:5), the Lord tells us. But artificial insemination is not worth doing, because it is contrary to nature. The Lord gave us another, natural way to conceive and give birth to children, the one that is best suited for us.

There is no need to speed things up. After all, everything good, and, of course, children, is given to us by God. And gives us in good time

And yet it is not necessary to speed up events by doing artificial insemination, because this is an interference with Divine Providence. After all, everything good, and, of course, children, is given to us by God. And gives us everything in good time. That is, when you need it, when it's best. We, due to our sinfulness and self-will, often do not want to understand and accept this. And so in a hurry we try to do what the Lord does. And we always do incomparably worse than God. After all, our Heavenly Father is holy and infallible, but we are weak, blind and sinful.

Therefore, you don’t have to do anything yourself, but only with the help and blessing of God, which are most often and mainly taught in the Church, including through the clergy.

The prophet Abraham and Sarah also did not have children for a long time, and God gave them a son - the righteous prophet Isaac. And at an age when it is already physiologically impossible to have children. The Most Holy Theotokos was also born to the righteous Godfathers Joachim and Anna - “The most honest Cherubim and the most glorious Seraphim without comparison,” as the Holy Church sings to Her. And the righteous Zechariah and Elizabeth were born John the Baptist. “Truly I say to you, of those born of women there has not risen greater than John the Baptist” (Matt. 11:11), the Lord tells us. And all because they lived all their lives according to the will of God, they always put the holy will of God above their human will and their human desires.

And we should strive to do the same. And then future saints will be born among us, and we will live in holiness and see many miracles from the Lord. And we will see the main miracle - that God is infinite, all-perfect, merciful, crucifying Himself and saving us Love. Leading us to eternal and endless joy in the Kingdom of Heaven with all the saints who have pleased God from time immemorial. Amen.

– If the Lord does not give children, of course, it is necessary to turn to Him with fervent prayer. And the Church knows many examples when, in response to prayers, God gave a blessing and a child was conceived.

If there are no children in the marriage and the marriage is unmarried, it is necessary to get married. In all the prayers of the Sacrament of the wedding, the Lord is asked for mercy and the grace of raising children.

It will not be superfluous, as experience shows, and a pilgrimage trip to one of the saints of God. But just so that it doesn’t happen like this: “We’ll go to Matronushka, pray, and when the baby is born, we’ll forget the way to the temple.” Here, too, there is temptation. If we turn to the Lord, then the prayer should look something like this: “Lord, give a child by Your mercy, and we will devote our lives to You, and we will raise the child in Orthodoxy.” And if people's thinking is built in this way, the Lord, of course, will give His grace.

As for having many children, having few children, or even childlessness (infertility), this is in the power of God. He gives to each according to his ability (Matt. 9:15), many or few children, or none.

Childbearing is also a talent, that is, a gift from God. But the Creator did not give all people the same number of talents. One gave five, the other two, and someone one. God gave Abraham one child. Isaac - two. Jacob is twelve. Leah, for example, He gave ten children, and Rachel two. And for some, none. How many talents - children - God will give spouses, He decides. But if parents decide not to accept their child, or to avoid children altogether, or to increase their number in the absence of a humble and honest married life, then God will not reward them, but will punish them.

Other spouses may have one child after another. But if they do not show diligence in their upbringing, in the teaching and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4), they will not deserve praise.

Spouses must fulfill their duty to bear children honestly. And the Lord will give as much as He wants and take as He wants. In this matter, no interference of spouses in the work of God is allowed. No planning for the number of children using a calendar, contraceptives or other methods!

Now the Lord gives many few children, Himself uses birth control. "Why are we, doing the same thing, guilty?" some will ask. But the disputants do not think about the following. It is illogical and completely unthinkable if someone wiser than us adjusted some mechanism, and we, inexperienced, for some reason correct this adjustment in our own way. Every human regulation is from the evil one. It speaks of self-importance and brazen interference in the rights of the Lord. This disrupts the connection and communication with the Creator and has disastrous consequences. After all, God cannot be mocked. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God (Heb. 10:31).

The fulfillment of the Christian family is the second idea of marriage. Without a family, there is no fullness of life in marriage, even if the spouses are filled with unanimity and mutual love. To complete the meaning of the happiness of marriage, children are needed on whom spouses can focus their love and their cares. And it is not in vain that some of the Fathers of the Church in the words of Jesus Christ: where two ormpoegathered in my name, there I am in the midst of them(Matthew 18:20) see the blessing of the family. Christians should not avoid having children. In the birth of children, one cannot see only a physiological and worldly burden. A child is a gift of God, God's, the beginning of a new life, a great joy, which is why it is said in the Gospel: wife whengives birth, endures sorrow, because her hour has come; butwhen she gives birth to a baby, she no longer remembers sorrow for joy,for man was born into the world(John 16:21). There is no more heinous, more heinous crime than the murder of one's own infant before it is born. For such a murder, the church determines a 20-year excommunication from St. Communions. In our time, such crimes have become commonplace and are justified by the difficulties of existence, but these words contain slander against the poor: it is not the poor who predominantly commit these crimes, but wealthy people.

The poor usually resignedly bear the hardships of many children, but at the same time they also experience its joys. The rich, avoiding the difficulties of many children, do not see the joys of the family. Childbearing is the will of God, the law of nature, clearly established in both the Old and New Testaments. Even before the fall of the first people, God blessed childbearing. The book of Genesis says: And God created man in his own image, in the image ofGod created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them and God said to them: be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it (Gen. 1:27-28).

Some mistakenly think that the sin of the first people consisted in their physical rapprochement. There could be no sin in this, for that is how they were created. Sin lies not in physical rapprochement, but in its perverted manifestations. But the first people did not sin by this, but by betraying God. Even if people did not sin, they would have offspring, only they would have offspring free from sin.

In reality, children began to be born to people only after their fall into sin, and therefore they were born infected with sin (Genesis 4:1). Despite this, after the Flood, God again blessed childbearing, through which salvation was to come: And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said to them:be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth(Gen. 9:1). And God repeated the same blessing to Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob, and other Old Testament righteous people. David in Psalm 127 speaks of the blessedness of childbearing: blessedfearing the Lord, walking in His way. Blessedecu, and goodyou will. Your wife is like a fruitful vine, in countriesyour house; your sons, like a new planting of olives,around your meal. Behold taco be blessed man,fear the Lord.

In the New Testament, the Lord Jesus Christ was angry with the disciples who forbade bringing to him babies, and blessedchildren (Luke 18:15). an. Paul Convinces Young Wives to love husbands, to love children, ... to be guardians of the house, kind, obedient to their husbands (Tit. 2, 4-5). AT Elsewhere he writes: I wish young widows to marry, have children, rule the house. (1 Tim. 5:14). Speaking of the fact that the wife, seduced, was the first to fall into a crime, an. Paul continues: However, he will be saved through childbearing, if he continues in faith and love, and in holiness with chastity (1 Tim. 2:15).

How to understand the words that a woman is saved by childbearing?

A woman is saved not just by childbearing, but by loving children, sacrificial love, when she does not seek her own in love, but raises her child for God, with God and in God. Love of children always begins with love of God. Therefore, these apostolic words should not be understood only as salvation by the number of children born. You can have many children and not take care of them.

The long absence of children from spouses is a test of their feelings, a test of how much they love each other, because when everything is easy for a person, everything is given to him for free, he does not appreciate it too much. And when people are connected by some kind of joint misfortune, they become closer to each other, they begin to love each other especially sensitively, having overcome this misfortune.

As for IVF, which is marketed as a fertility treatment. Artificial insemination is a gross intrusion into the mystery of conception, into the mystery of procreation. And we know that the Council of Bishops of 2000 forbade Orthodox Christians to resort to this technology, although some slyly see in this prohibition an opportunity to resort to some variants of artificial conception. But the decisions of the Council clearly state that from the Orthodox point of view, all varieties of in vitro fertilization, involving the preparation, preservation and subsequent destruction of embryos, are unacceptable. With artificial insemination, the destruction of embryos always occurs - that is, they are killed.

With artificial insemination, the destruction of embryos always occurs - that is, they are killed

Now let's ask ourselves a question: what happens if all the embryos transplanted into the uterus began to develop? After all, several of them are introduced at once, so that there is a greater likelihood of their taking root, because not all take root ... What happens when several take root? "Superfluous" embryos are reduced, that is, they are surgically removed - abortions are performed. So, during IVF, fertilized embryos are destroyed, which are already babies with a soul. And it turns out that a person who goes for IVF goes for abortions.

A person going for IVF is essentially going for an abortion.

IVF technology is completely godless. A person takes on the function of the Lord God, intervenes in what should mysteriously happen in the mother's body.

I'm not talking about the fact that with IVF there are much more miscarriages, much more missed pregnancies. And many more premature babies are born.

Another problem: in nature, when an egg enters the mother's uterus, it is met by a million spermatozoa, but only one is attached - the most "strong", so to speak. But IVF can be done even with a very weak seed of the husband. And if the seed material is not of very good quality, what will the children be like?

We must accept God's Providence

There are secrets of Divine care for people, they are incomprehensible. When Rachel, the wife of the patriarch Jacob, who did not have offspring, reproached her husband: “Give me children, and if not, I die,” Jacob replied: “Am I the God who did not give you the fruit of the womb?” (Gen. 30:1-2).

Among Russian women unable to conceive, 70% suffered from abortion

After the holy spring, she had a dream: she was carrying a basket in which a child was lying.

Somehow she found out about the Borovsky Monastery, which has a font, and many said that if you take a dip there, then illnesses disappear. When she and her husband made the pilgrimage and managed to take a dip, two weeks later she already had a positive pregnancy test. Before that, I could not get pregnant for five years! And after the holy spring she had a dream: she is carrying a basket in which lies a child; she asks, "What's your name?" - he answered: "Daniel". And she was told during examinations and ultrasound that she would have a girl. But a boy was born, and he was named Daniel.

You can’t be guided by emotions alone, you need prudence and prudence

Of course, the absence of children in the family is an occasion to more seriously and soberly begin to lead one's Christian life and pray purely for the gift of children. Here patience needs to be shown no small amount, and it happens that the Lord rewards for this patience and constancy in doing good, so that children will be born in the family even after three, five or more years of “barrenness”. This is a great joy and a great mercy! And parents who conceived and gave birth to a child in such difficult circumstances truly know the high price and meaning of fatherhood and motherhood. If only they would not “stop there” and turn their valuable child into some kind of idol, an idol around which the whole world revolves. This should not be, and it can even be called a crime against God, because the Lord gives a child not at all in order to be raised from him as an egoist who is used to thinking that he is the navel of the earth and something completely special compared to “everyone else.” ". That is why it would be good if there were many children in the family ...

With reasoning, you can resort to medical care: the Lord also created doctors and this profession exists for our benefit.

But if there are no children and no, even despite obvious efforts in keeping piety and prayer, there always comes a moment when the family asks the question: where is the “line of expectation”? And in what? Should I continue to live, completely and humbly relying on the Lord, or adopt children, or should I resort to medical help? It seems that, firstly, everything should be done with reasoning and spiritually, that is, with prayer and advice from the family confessor, again because people are different and circumstances are different. Someone, perhaps, needs to show extreme humility with patience (their faith allows them to do just that), for someone it will be right and good to go to doctors, undergo an examination and resort to their help with reason, because the Lord also created doctors and this profession exists for our benefit, it is not a sin to resort to the help of doctors. But here reasoning is needed, because we know that some modern methods of "reproducing" are contrary to God's commandments. So here you have to be careful not to cross the line of what is permitted.

Do everything only with the help and blessing of God

- "Put on the whole armor of God" (Eph. 6:11), - the Apostle Paul tells us. Hope and wait patiently, pray and fast (but only with the blessing of the priest). And, of course, you can take a child from an orphanage. “And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me” (Matt. 18:5), the Lord tells us. But artificial insemination is not worth doing, because it is contrary to nature. The Lord gave us another, natural way to conceive and give birth to children, the one that is best suited for us.

There is no need to speed things up. After all, everything good, and, of course, children, is given to us by God. And gives us in good time

Therefore, you don’t have to do anything yourself, but only with the help and blessing of God, which are most often and mainly taught in the Church, including through the clergy.

The prophet Abraham and Sarah also did not have children for a long time, and God gave them a son - the righteous prophet Isaac. And at an age when it is already physiologically impossible to have children. The Most Holy Theotokos was also born to the righteous Godfathers Joachim and Anna - “The most honest Cherubim and the most glorious Seraphim without comparison,” as the Holy Church sings to Her. And the righteous Zechariah and Elizabeth were born John the Baptist. “Truly I say to you: of those born of women, no greater than John the Baptist has risen” (Matt. 11:11), the Lord tells us. And all because they lived all their lives according to the will of God, they always put the holy will of God above their human will and their human desires.

If the Lord does not give children, of course, it is necessary to turn to Him with fervent prayer. And the Church knows many examples when, in response to prayers, God gave a blessing and a child was conceived.

Childless all their lives, or the first child appears after many years. But here's the paradox: many women get pregnant out of wedlock. It would seem, the irony of fate? No. It has its own nuances that man does not know about, but God knows. And he gives people only what is useful to them.

Let's discuss the topic of why God does not give a child, give examples of childless couples, and briefly consider the sermons of priests.

About Saints Joachim and Anna

Within the church walls, many couples ask the priest: “God does not give us children. Why?" Only a holy man can clearly answer this question. And what will the ordinary priest say? If the father is the spiritual mentor of a married couple, knows that the wife did not have an abortion, the husband did not live with other women before meeting his wife, both led and are leading a pious lifestyle, he, probably, tells the story of Saints Joachim and Anna, the parents, only as a consolation Holy Mother of God.

As the life says, Joachim and Anna lived together for many years, lived with God, were pious, and But years and decades passed, the spouses did not lose hope, they continued to ask the Lord tearfully. But as the Gospel says: “Ask, and it will be given to you,” Saint Anna became pregnant at an advanced age. The couple could not believe in a miracle. They thanked God endlessly. A girl was born - Maria. Throughout her childhood, she was quiet, inconspicuous, did not communicate with anyone, did not play. Her childish soul was completely occupied by God. When she grew older, the archangel Gabriel came to her with a white lily and announced that she was chosen by God to become his mother - Jesus Christ.

What is the meaning of this wonderful story? Parents prayed earnestly and asked God for a baby, the Lord sent them the Blessed Virgin.

Of course, if a modern couple has no children for a very long time and they constantly ask the question: “Why doesn’t God give a child?”, And the fervent prayer of a husband and wife does not stop, then they will receive what they ask for. But this does not mean that the child will necessarily be pure and holy, like the Mother of God. At least it will be a begging child. Who knows, maybe he will connect his life with God and pray for the whole world in the future.

What the priests say

Any woman who wants to give birth to a child can approach the priest with the question: “Why does God not give children?” A sermon, just advice or guidance from the holy fathers will help you figure it out. But the most important thing is the will of God.

Often miracles are performed according to the faith of childless spouses: parents literally “bring” a child from a pilgrimage trip, after long standing in line to the relics and the icon of St. Matronushka. But everyone's fate is different. The main thing is not to despair.

Orphans

In Russia, there are a lot of children left without a father and mother. All existing orphanages are overcrowded. Unfortunately, babies do not live in ideal conditions. Few people are lucky enough to find themselves in a monastery shelter, where the attitude, upbringing, and quality of life are very different from state institutions.

Can you guess why God does not give children to a woman sometimes? Because he wants her to raise the orphan as her own child, to become his own mother. After all, abandoned children also need parents, attention, good education.

If God has not sent you children, think: is it time for you to adopt children? Unfortunately, this procedure is not easy and not available to everyone. It is required to collect a lot of certificates, including a certificate of income from work.

Any difficulties are rewarded with victory. Pray to God, the Mother of God and your beloved saints that everything will work out in the best way. There are many stories related to childless families, when God miraculously sends a child or several children at once.

About health and education

Does your health allow you to endure and give birth? Often the Lord protects women from misfortune, death or error. Which one? For example, a woman becomes pregnant. Then it turned out that she was strictly forbidden to give birth, even to bear a child. Both mother and child may die. There are such cases in church life.

But there are also happy stories. You can tell about one family of a priest. The father's wife is a woman of very small stature (about 1 meter). As you know, undersized women are forbidden to give birth, since the fetus will have nowhere to develop, and the internal organs of the mother will be squeezed. What happened to the little mother? Together with her husband, they began to earnestly pray to God that a healthy baby would be born, and that the mother would survive. And so it happened, fortunately. The doctors were shocked. By the way, after a while, the couple decided to have a second child.

As for another problem - education, there are also some nuances here. Can you raise a worthy person? Will you cope with difficulties? What is your own upbringing? Maybe you need to fix something in yourself.

Let's talk about why God gives sick children. There are many options here, everyone's fate is different. There is one story connected with a dying boy. The mother sat by her son's bed and wept bitterly. She began to earnestly pray to God that her son would survive. Suddenly she fell asleep and had a dream: her son grew up, did terrible things and was hanged. The Lord, through angels, asked the suffering mother what she chooses: paradise for her little son who is dying, or a gallows with shame in 20 years? The woman, unfortunately, chose the latter. Everything came true. Her son was hanged as punishment for the atrocities.

True, this story does not apply to unborn children, but it clearly describes the possible reasons why God does not give children at all. He wants to protect godly Christian spouses from affliction. You can answer why God does not give a second child: for almost all the same reasons:

poor health of parents;
avoidance of misfortune and sorrows;
there is a risk of not coping with both babies;
poverty.

One must be able to accept what God gives, and for what He does not give, give thanks. Remember the proverb: "Be afraid of your desires - they tend to come true." Why should they be afraid? Because they can be harmful.

Not married, but I want a baby!

Often, priests hear strange words from women who are already in their early or late thirties: “Father, age is running out, but I’m all alone. Bless me to have a baby from someone for myself. Such a lady, unfortunately, does not know that the Lord is not pleased when, but nevertheless, they are born and even more often than married couples. Here you can only answer that illegitimate mothers punished themselves.

Very often this happens. Spouses ask: “Why doesn’t God give a child?”, And unmarried women cry: “The Lord sent me a sick, disobedient as punishment.” What is left for the parish priest to do? Of course, to talk at confession with everyone in order to try to understand what is the matter here.

Why get married?

A wedding is a great sacrament, the Lord sanctifies marriage. The priest reads prayers, one of them refers to the birth of children.

Why does God not give children to some spouses? Because they did not make a vow before God to always be together, they did not pray with the priest, and the Lord did not bless the marriage.

Are you sinful?

Often during confession it turns out that once upon a time one woman had several partners, got infected from one of them and cannot give birth, and the other had an abortion. That is why God does not give children - sins, and very terrible ones. In order for spouses to have children, you need to live with God, with a clear conscience, pray and believe.

Families that ask the Lord for a child and cannot conceive for a long time are gradually filled with disappointment and bitterness, the question “Why does the Lord not give children to a woman?” How to accept and understand the providence of God? Is it possible to find strength after constant failures to trust Him further? Is there a way out of this situation?

Possible reasons

Why does the Lord not give a child to a woman? No one really knows the answer, and there is no single right answer to this complex, dreary question. Everything is in the hands of the Lord and His Will is not ours, therefore all answers are hidden from Him, but not always a person should furiously seek them.

What if God does not give children?

What are the possible causes of infertility in women? Without taking into account medical indications, you can make a small list:

As a test of faith and patience, some families could not come to terms with the absence of children for a long time, but exactly when their souls were filled with complete humility before the Lord and acceptance of His will, He sent them a baby.
For churching - some women who are given infertility are looking for solutions in the church, thereby saving their own and their husband's soul. There is a lot of evidence of how people who became churched and became true Orthodox soon became parents.
The consequence of an abortion - murder (namely, this is what abortion is) is strictly punished by the Lord and often women who have committed infertility orders. Children must be accepted when the Lord sends them, and not when a person has decided;
The consequence of the sinful youth of the parents - promiscuity, adultery, some types of contraception have a detrimental effect on the reproductive abilities of a woman. Such people should first of all repent before the Lord and only then pray to Him for mercy and offspring.

Each case is individual, in any case, a woman (and her husband, of course) should think about why the Lord does not send them offspring.

Perhaps it is necessary to repent of something, maybe - to confess a secret sin, or perhaps it is necessary to do your part - to be examined by a doctor and solve problems, if any.

The ways of the Lord are inscrutable and sometimes He does not give native children so that the family would serve someone's abandoned child and adopt him. And the Lord does not allow someone to have children at all because of selfishness and selfishness.

Everyone must find their own answer.

On the birth and upbringing of children:

Church and modern ways of dealing with infertility

Modern technologies allow even women who could not get pregnant for many years to finally become a mother. What does the Church say about the use of these methods?

To begin with, it should be clarified that all medicines that help restore the reproductive function of the body are allowed and welcomed by the Church as a safe way to improve health and fulfill the human part. Therefore, the following methods are allowed:

medical examinations;
the use of hormonal drugs;
tracking menstrual cycles;
the use of appropriate medications.

But here are banned by the Bishops' Council of 2000:

surrogacy.

The opinion of the church about IVF

Why is IVF banned? Because this is a gross intrusion into the sacrament of conception and the incidental murder of children. The decision of the Council forbade the use of all varieties of this procedure by Orthodox believers.

Eco is performed as follows: superovulation is stimulated, which makes it possible to obtain a large number of eggs, the best of them are selected and fertilized with the husband's seed. Then the fertilized cells are placed in a special incubator where they mature, so that they can then be partially transplanted into the uterus and partially frozen.

Important! There is no guarantee that a miscarriage will not occur, but the procedure always destroys or kills the embryos. Therefore, the Church strictly forbids these procedures.

Priests Answers

Many priests agree in one opinion - that it is necessary to accept God's providence with humility.

For example, Elder Paisius Svyatogorets said that God sometimes delays on purpose in order to further fulfill His plan of saving people. This can be seen in many stories in the Bible - Abraham and Sarah, Joachim and Elizabeth, St. Anna, Elizabeth and Zechariah. The birth of children depends primarily on God, but also on man. And it is necessary to do everything possible so that God gives the child, but if He hesitates, there is a reason for this and it must be accepted. Peter and Fevronia, as well as making pilgrimage trips to holy places. He says that the long absence of children is a test of their feelings.

Priest Valery Dukhanin advises not to strive to comprehend all the secrets of Divine care for people. Children are God's gift, which is given according to His will and Providence. They must be accepted with humility. He gives some examples that show that sometimes God closes a woman's womb for the good of spouses and one must be able to accept this good.

What if you can't have a baby? About the talent of childlessness

Do you have children?

This question is asked so often that we should be immune to it by now. But no. Whether you've been trying to conceive for ages or just started recently, the issue of infertility touches the very core of your soul and affects your relationships with many people. When my husband and I were trying to conceive, we were greatly helped emotionally and spiritually by the position we chose regarding our friends, our identity, our marriage, and relationship with God.

Friends

It can be painful for you to spend time with a friend who is surrounded by cooing children or who is clutching a baby to her chest, while your hands are empty at this time. A friend of mine who had just had a miscarriage, when she heard about the pregnancy of our friend, clenched her hands into fists and screamed: “It was supposed to be my child!” In such a situation, it is easy to become jealous of women who have or will have a child, it is easy to feel sorry for yourself, but this is a very, very unattractive and wrong reaction. Personally, I made a few rules for myself regarding this issue:

If envy or pity appears, confess it to the Lord.

Pray before being in circumstances where the desperate thought “I want a child” may overwhelm me, and ask God to comfort me, support me and help me keep hope.

Being in a circle of friends with children, shift the focus of attention from children to something else.

To limit the time spent in the society, being in which spurs my desperate desire to have a child.

self-awareness

The problem of infertility can greatly affect your self-image. Thoughts like “Why doesn’t God give me a baby? Maybe I would make a bad parent? Maybe something is wrong with me?" The hope of pregnancy makes even the slightest symptom immediately think: "Finally, I'm pregnant!" Months and years go by like this, and the lingering hope of conceiving a child can lead a woman to feel a little crazy.

In addition to all these thoughts, there may also be a heavy sense of guilt due to the inability to conceive. My heart ached from the fact that I felt guilty for not being able to get pregnant. I remember two women asked me with a sneer: “What is wrong with you? Why can't you give your husband children?

In some cases, the reason why a woman cannot conceive is because she had an abortion or a sexually transmitted disease, and all this only exacerbates the feeling of guilt. Past sexual baggage or abuse can also be the cause of infertility. An empty cradle has a strong effect on the psyche. In order to maintain your self-esteem during this difficult period, use a few tips:

If you have thoughts about your own guilt about infertility, confess them. If you have been blaming yourself for not being able to get pregnant for a long time because you made some mistakes in the past, ask God for forgiveness, believe that He has forgiven you, and live in His grace. Perhaps this approach will not solve your physiological problems, but it will give you spiritual healing and inner peace. And remember that no one is perfect. We all sin, and we all need God's forgiveness and God's grace. If you blame yourself for your infertility, ask God to rid you of these thoughts and replace them with the truth.

Talk about this topic with your spouse and pray about it with him or your spiritual guide, ministry leader, spiritual counselor, to let go of any old baggage that makes you feel guilty about an empty crib.

Build your self-worth on what the Bible says about you. You can paraphrase the verses that talk about who we are in Christ like this:

I am the salt of the earth (see Matthew 5:13)
I am the light of the world (see Matthew 5:14)
I am a child of God (see John 1:12)
I am a friend of Jesus Christ (see John 15:15)
Jesus chose me and appointed me to bear fruit (see John 15:16)
I am a servant of righteousness (see Romans 6:18)
I am a servant of God (see Romans 6:22)
I am a daughter of God. God is my spiritual Father (see Romans 8:14; Galatians 3:26, 4:26)
I am an heir of God and joint heir with Christ (see Romans 8:17)
I am the Body of Christ. His Spirit and life dwell in me (1 Corinthians 12:27; Ephesians 5:30)
I am a new creation (see 2 Corinthians 5:17)
I was reconciled to God and He gave me the ministry of reconciliation (see 2 Corinthians 5:18-19)
I am a daughter of God and I am in Christ (see Galatians 3:26, 28)
I am an heir of God because I am a daughter of God (Galatians 4:6-7)
I am a saint (see Ephesians 1:1; 1 Corinthians 1:2; Philippians 1:1; Colossians 1:2)
I am His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for me to do (see Ephesians 2:10)
I am not a stranger, I belong to God and His family (see Ephesians 2:19)
I am a prisoner of Jesus Christ (see Ephesians 3:1, 4:1)
I am righteous and holy (see Ephesians 4:24)
My residence is in heaven, I am already seated in heaven in Christ Jesus (see Philippians 3:20; Ephesians 2:6)
My life is hidden with Christ in God (see Colossians 3:3)
I am the expression of the life of Jesus Christ because He is my life (see Colossians 3:4)
I am chosen by God, I am holy, I am loved by Him (see Colossians 3:12; 1 Thessalonians 1:4)
I am a daughter of light and day, not night and darkness (see 1 Thessalonians 5:5)
I am a member of the heavenly calling (see Hebrews 3:1)
I am a partaker of Christ (see Hebrews 3:14)
I am living stones, a spiritual house is being built from me (see 1 Peter 2:5)
I am a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy man taken as an inheritance (see 1 Peter 2:9-10)
I am a stranger in this world where I live temporarily (see 1 Peter 2:11)
I am the devil's enemy (see 1 Peter 5:8)
I am a child of God. I will be like Christ when He returns (see 1 John 5:18)

Marriage

Here is a woman who got married, and every month a pregnancy test shows a negative result. This makes her very hard. But disappointment can be replaced by good news. Try the following while you wait to conceive:

Think of three activities to which you could devote your time, and start doing it. For example, my husband and I decided to learn how to manage money better, so we started attending Christian seminars on the subject together.

Enjoy life during this period. Go on vacations with your husband and friends, arrange spontaneous romantic evenings or trips - all this would not be so easy if you had children; support each other in achieving goals that you could not achieve if you already had children.

Communicate. Talk to each other about your feelings (if you both want to talk about it). Since this is such a deep topic, give your husband time to tune in to this conversation. You can, for example, agree that on such and such a day you will talk about something so that your spouse can mentally and emotionally prepare for the conversation.

Pray together. Together with your husband, tell God how you feel and what you desire, and give your desires to Him. Depending on your situation, consider adoption and pray about it.

Relationship with God

The absence of children can affect many aspects of your life, but your relationship with God affects every aspect of it even more. If we blame ourselves for the absence of children, then we do not understand that God gives life. If we blame ourselves or our spouse and allow disappointment to destroy our marriage, then we have put ourselves or our husband on the throne of our heart, and not God, who owns this place. Your relationship with God will be a solid rock for you to weather the storm of disappointment that rages in your life due to not having children. Here are some ideas to help you build a relationship with Him in these circumstances:

Be honest with God. Do not carry your pain yourself, give it to God - He has strong enough hands.

Study those Bible passages that deal with childless couples. Reflect on how God supported them, what they learned about Him. As I studied these passages, I had hope.

Pray for a child. The Scriptures mention couples who did not have children and who prayed that they would have children. We have friends who, after years of trying, conceived when they asked others to pray for them.

Learn to be content. We expect a lot from life, and we will be much better people and parents if we learn to be content in any circumstances that arise in our lives.

Be open to what God is doing in your life. Accept it and ask Him to help you deal with these circumstances according to His plan for your life.

Trust God. He will turn everything around for your good (see Romans 8:28). My husband and I discussed what could be the purpose of God for the fact that He does not give us children. We may be right or wrong, but we understand that our lack of children should not be equated with God's lack of a purpose for our lives.

Priest Kirill Ivanov, cleric of the Church of the Ascension of the Lord in Kolpino, answers the most common, most significant questions for an Orthodox person related to pregnancy and childbirth.

How is the soul born?

- Father Kirill, is there any general church point of view on how the human soul is formed? When and how does it happen?

— Theologians have different points of view. I am more impressed by the view of Theophan the Recluse. He says that in the creation, in the appearance of the human soul and body, as co-creators participate, together with God, and parents. We know that the body is formed from the cells of the father and mother. But this does not mean that God does not take part in the creation of the body. In the same way, in some way, the parents also take part in the creation of the soul. That is why the tendency to virtue or to sin is often inherited from parents. The state in which parents conceive their children - the state of grace or, conversely, the state of sinfulness - inevitably affects the offspring, the children.

- It is known - now even gynecologists and embryologists, in general, do not argue with this - that at the genetic level, from the moment of conception, this is already a unique organism with a unique set of chromosomes that are responsible for the genes characteristic of a particular person. From the moment of conception, the sex of the child is determined. We cannot say that the male body is part of the female body. But even if this is a girl, it is clear that she may have a different Rh factor, a different blood type. Therefore, the child is clearly a unique personality and is not a part of a woman's body, which she could dispose of like, say, a tumor or something else.

- Is it necessary that the birth of children occurs in a married marriage?

— I would say that it is desirable. When a person has a blessing for the birth of children, it is clear that this is precisely the gift of God. Of course, the Lord sends children even when parents do not think about God at all. Moreover, it is through children that many come to God. But in the event that the marriage is not blessed by the Church, the children are, as it were, abducted. You know, if a child wants to get something from his father, he tells him: "Dad, I want a car." Then the father buys this machine or does not buy it. But the child, after all, may not turn to his father, but steal money from his wallet and buy this toy. But the joy that he could get when his father himself gave a toy, he will no longer receive, because he will have to hide it, play with it secretly. Something similar, it seems to me, arises in the case of the family, with pregnancy. In one case, parents pray that they have children, take a blessing, ask God to bless their marriage, bless childbearing and many children, as we pray in the sacrament of the Wedding. A completely different situation arises when a child is a by-product of the relationship between a man and a woman. Of course, there will no longer be the joy that parents have when they realize that God heard their prayers and gave them a child.

“But it happens that parents get married, but they don’t pray for the gift of children. And it happens the other way around: unmarried people pray for the birth of children ...

In the first case, the prayer was performed during the wedding and the couple prayed together with the priest. In the second, people need to realize that the most powerful prayer for children is precisely the wedding. I had the opportunity to marry spouses who considered themselves barren ... A year later I baptized their twins!

A special way, but not the only one

- There is a point of view that childbearing is a special way for a woman to salvation. How correct is she?

— The apostle Paul directly speaks about this: “…the woman, having been deceived, fell into a transgression; however, he will be saved through childbearing, if he continues in faith and love and holiness with chastity” (2 Tim. 2:14-15). But how is this to be understood? There is a saying in Orthodoxy: raising a child is like building a temple. After all, we treat, according to the words of the Apostle Paul, our bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 3:16). Therefore, if a mother brings up a child in faith, in piety, in purity, instills him in the Church, then the child actually becomes the temple of God. This is the way to salvation both for her and for the child, and, perhaps, even for those people who will later communicate with her child, and whom he may lead to salvation. My heavenly patrons Cyril and Mary of Radonezh brought up Sergius of Radonezh. And, of course, the upbringing of the monk was the way to the salvation of not only Mary and Cyril, and Sergius himself, but also thousands and millions of Russian people.

The icon of the Mother of God "Help in childbirth" is revered as the intercessor of women in childbirth. The image became widespread in Russia in the 17th-18th centuries, possibly under the influence of the Italo-Greek icon painting. In St. Petersburg, the revered list is located in the Holy Trinity Izmailovsky Cathedral.

“But it is obvious that women have other vocations. She may not have children and still be a good Christian.

Every person has unique talents, gifts from God. Regardless of whether he is a man or a woman, he must realize them. I really like the words of John of the Ladder that every person, regardless of gender and age, can be a clergyman in his heart. The heart is that temple of God in which we can offer a sacrifice of praise to God. Depending on the spiritual dispensation and on the spiritual feat and growth of a person, he can be a deacon in his heart, or a priest, or a bishop. Such service to God is much more important and pleasant than external service without internal.

- That is, childbearing is not the only way of salvation for a woman?

- Not the only one. I'll say more. Some - especially for some sectarians, non-believers - say that the creation of a family and, in general, intimate relationships, intimacy between a man and a woman, are needed only in order to have children. But this contradicts the teaching of the Orthodox Church, the teaching of the Apostle Paul, who says: “to avoid fornication, each one should have his own wife, and each one should have her own husband” (1 Cor. 7, 2). Of course, having children is an important and necessary goal of marriage. But in the first place the apostle puts not him, but the preservation of purity and chastity. That is, limiting our natural need to what God has blessed.

Protection from God

- From your point of view, how many children should there be? How to determine how many of them you need and can have this particular pair?

Man cannot determine this, God determines it. How much He sends, so much should be. Another thing is that the question of protection arises. What is its meaning? In the fact that, protecting himself from what God sends, a person is protected from God Himself. He does not trust Him, believing that he has some circumstances that God does not know about: low salary, small living space, career plans. He argues as follows: we will have children depending only on whether we have intimacy with our spouse or not, and God, perhaps, will not know about it. Somehow it will work itself out. And God, indeed, is not imposed on us, he stands on the sidelines, and people live without God.

- When is it possible to protect yourself?

- In cases where people cannot abstain, and the wife, the mother, has some kind of illness that is not far-fetched, but really endangers the life of both her and the child she may be carrying. The second option: if there are already children, several children, and the wife is in an emaciated state, and abstinence is impossible. Of course, we can only talk about protecting the man, since everything else is either an abortifacient, or harmful to the health of the woman, or both ...

- But abstinence is still a universal way of protection ...

- Oh sure. Universal. And only such "protection" can be pious. But spouses should be ready for this. The Apostle Paul says: “Do not deviate from one another (we are talking about intimacy), except by agreement, for a time, for exercise in fasting and prayer” (1 Cor. 7:5). When one of these conditions is not met, then the spouses cannot evade each other, they cannot deny each other intimacy. How is this related to confession? Often people come and say: “Here, we allowed intimacy during fasting.” It is important to understand here that spouses have the right to refuse intimacy only by mutual agreement. Therefore, if one of the spouses wants to fast and the other cannot do so, then the one who wants to fast has no right to abstain. He himself may not provoke another, try to live by abstinence, but if another needs it, a husband or, conversely, a wife, then the first one who fasts no longer has the right to refuse. There will be no sin here. And I usually tell parishioners that if you were not the initiator of intimacy during fasting, then you may not even confess it, because, on the contrary, it will be a sin if you refuse, and because of this, maybe the family will be destroyed , your soulmate will look somewhere in the other direction, kindled by some thoughts, God forbid, it will come to treason.

The meeting of Mary and Elizabeth (Lk. 1, 39-56), which took place immediately after the Annunciation, not only strengthened the Mother of God in Her service, not only glorified Her relative as a prophetess and mother of a prophet, but also showed the Christian that the child from conception was chosen and loved God. “John, when he was still in the loins of Zechariah,” writes the Monk Ephraim the Syrian, “like Levi in the loins of Abraham, already served the Lord and waited for Him, like the flower of the month arekk, silently announcing the bunch that was squandered in the midst of Jerusalem.”

“We know as many dysfunctional families as we want with many children. We also know very pious families with one or two children, and obviously not because the parents are sick, but because they decided that they would have so many children. They feed them, bring them up in the faith, give education. It turns out that those dysfunctional families are more irresponsible in their approach to the “children's issue”. However, they are not concerned about protection issues. In this logic, do they trust God more than the prosperous and pious?

- Those people you are talking about give birth to children not because they fulfill the will of God, but because they, like animals, follow their instincts. Another thing is that the children also did not appear out of thin air - the Lord sent them. And we do not know why some pious people who would like to have many children have only one, two, or none at all, while some drunkards have many. Perhaps one of the reasons is that the Lord wants through children, through many children, these people who live impiously, to somehow make them think and change their lives.

Closer to Him

- The most common "Orthodox" question: is it possible for pregnant women to fast?

“I always bless healthy young women to fast. But without anguish: if any problems arise, you can make an indulgence. But as long as my parishioners fasted, childbirth always went well, and it was even easier to give birth. Because if a pregnant woman fasts, her birth canal softens and there are much fewer complications than a woman who eats everything. But it is one thing for a church-bound healthy woman who fasted before pregnancy. Another thing is a healthy woman who did not fast. It is one thing for a sick woman to fast. Another thing is a sick woman who did not fast. Everything is individual. By the way, in some cases, the woman’s body itself begins to fast at the beginning of pregnancy: I mean toxicosis of the first trimester, when not only nausea is possible, but also vomiting.

Should a woman take communion more often during pregnancy?

- Mary of Egypt how many times in her life did she take communion? Once, probably, when she was baptized, the second - when she repented, the third - before her death. However, she is one of the greatest saints. Therefore, the point is not the frequency of communion, but the quality, how we prepare for communion, how we treat it. Of course, for a person who does not live in the desert, like Mary of Egypt, but near the temple, who perceives God not as something distant, but as something close and dear, as a member of the family, frequent communion, if possible, is an urgent need. Well, during pregnancy, when a woman thinks not only about herself, but also about the child, she, an Orthodox mother, should have a constant desire to become even closer to God, to pray even more, to take communion even more often.

- Are there any restrictions for pregnant women, by analogy with the "ordinary female"?

- Do not take communion, do not come to the temple? No, it's prejudice. Women sometimes ask the question: “Is it possible to get married during pregnancy?” If before pregnancy they did not ask for God's blessing on conception and the birth of children, then it is better, of course, to do this sooner than later. It is better to get married during pregnancy than after.

Mom and others

- How to inform your husband and parents about pregnancy?

- It depends on the relationship in the family and on the attitude in it to childbearing. It happens that the family is even Orthodox, there are already several children in it, but grandparents believe: “there are so many more.” In this case, maybe it’s worth talking later so as not to cause a negative reaction, from which the mother herself (who is carrying a child) will be upset and nervous.

- Pregnant women have different, let's say, eccentricities, frequent mood swings. And those around you also suffer from it. How to overcome it? What do we have to do?

Our whole life is suffering. Through some tribulations we are perfected in patience and humility. For a woman, this is a feat, for loved ones it is also a feat, an opportunity to once again show our love for this person, for this woman, for a spouse, for a daughter, for a mother, for a sister. We must have an appropriate indulgence for a pregnant woman. Old people often say: “I would like to die already, because I am only a burden for my neighbors. I am disabled”, or: “... I am already old, I cannot take care of myself.” We have to explain: “You understand, your neighbors need you, because, caring for you, they learn to love.” In the same way, and perhaps even more so, we learn to love by enduring the infirmities of a pregnant woman.

- How do you feel about the presence of men during childbirth? This practice is now quite common, including for a fee, this service is provided in maternity hospitals. Is it good or not?

- I'm a conservative. It seems to me that these are purely women's affairs - let a mother, sister, close friend be next to the woman in labor - there is absolutely nothing for a man to do there. True, I was present at the birth of the second and third child, but I was a little aloof, I just prayed, sprinkled the maternity hospital. A man at this moment should be not so much with his wife as with God. Because it is He who sends the child, although not without the participation of the parents.

mom and baby

- How to relate to ultrasound, screening, pathology tests, in general, to methods of medical monitoring of pregnancy. Are they needed?

“I always told my students: “Take off your hat before laboratory and instrumental research methods, but not your head”! I myself had to diagnose many times in spite of research. Unfortunately, now both doctors and pregnant women “remove their heads”. Take at least an AFP (alpha-fetoprotein) test. This is a screening test for fetal pathology. They do almost everything. Abroad, it is voluntary, and they talk about it in detail. Yes, indeed, a change in the amount of this protein may indicate an increased risk of defects. For example, a downgrade is about the risk of Down's disease. What will a woman do if she is told that the risk of Down's disease in a child is increased 50 times? She will decide that the child is Down and go for an abortion! Now let's turn to the numbers. A 50-fold increase in risk means that a woman has about a 0.5% chance of having a baby, or 199 to 1 of having a healthy baby! This is a completely different conversation. And the woman is told that she has Down! I calmed a lot of them after being referred for an abortion. In all cases, healthy babies were born. Therefore, it is necessary to approach research wisely. And to do them not to destroy the "inferior", but in order to help a woman give birth.

- There are various recommendations that boil down to the fact that the expectant mother should actively influence the child: listen to classical music, read good books to him aloud, talk to the child. Which of these recommendations is of real benefit?

— In medicine, there are such areas as art therapy and music therapy. It is known that art affects the human body, his mood, his psyche. And, of course, the child in the womb also joins all this and reacts to all this. Before the Baptism of a child, I say that he, this child, is not a white blank sheet on which you can write anything you like. No, of course, you can write everything, but you need to understand that, firstly, the child is already damaged by sin, bears the consequences of what Adam and Eve did. And secondly, he spent nine months in his mother’s womb and either went to church with her and prayed, or listened to classical music concerts, or watched action movies, or sat in social networks. Again, if the mother and husband are on good terms, and they love each other, they give in to each other - and the child is easier. And if mom quarreled with dad during pregnancy, then the child somehow experienced it all. All the actions of the mother are reflected in the child.

- I have heard from many women (although this is not an absolute rule) that it is difficult for them to love a child before it is placed on the stomach after childbirth. Then only she begins to think about him, and not about herself. Before that, she focused more on her health. Is it normal or not?

- But a woman can feel a child even before birth! But we love God whom we do not see, at least we strive to love Him. But, indeed, from the moment the baby was put to the breast for the first time, something very much changes in the mother. In the center "Life", which I headed, there was such a case. Our employee, who worked in the maternity hospital, found out that one of the women wants to abandon the child. Doctors were already walking around her, signing some documents, there was a “buyer” who was ready to pick up the child. She, the doctor, went to the trick. After the child was born, she brought him to her mother, who was not going to accept him at all, was not ready for this, and said: “You know, we cannot feed the child now. Could you put it on your chest once. And then we'll fix the problem." She attached... and couldn't give it back. Of course, this doctor was later fired, there were many tantrums, screams, and swearing. But the mother was discharged with the child.

Priest Kirill Ivanov

Born in 1971. In the past - a cardiologist, teacher of propaedeutics of internal diseases at St. Petersburg State Pediatric Medical University. He was the confessor and head of the PMPTS "Life". Together with A. I. Tanakov and K. Yu. Boyarsky, he is the author of the book "How to become a mother. At the reception at the antenatal clinic. Infertility and pregnancy. Priest's comments" (M .: Kovcheg, 2010).

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